"I'm not happy inside. There's always that nagging thought at the back of my head. This is fun and all, but this can't be it. This can't be it. But how come it is? I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. (...) I get my happy moments but they're what they are- just moments. But this is it, I am done. I can't settle for these short, fleeting happy days anymore. Months ago, a friend told me I was the reason he's "happier these days". Well that's nice to know but that's not fair, is it? Where do others get off being happier because of me, while I'm here down in the pits?"
I remember this post, and I remember very clearly the way I was feeling while writing it. There was a bit of pent up grief, some stowed anger and a lot of bitterness. All accumulated throughout the year.
What I failed to realize at that time, is that being happy is a conscious decision. We might get sad sometimes, but it is solely by choice that we are miserable. I get it now- some hurts may never go away. But wasting my youth thinking about old shit would be doubling the mistake.
Of course it's always easier said than done but really, choosing to be happy is not that hard.
6 comments:
big hugs.
Terrific post Nashe, very thoughtful.
When I saw the title, I was afraid you had discovered why I never, ever, never look up while on an escalator. One unfortunate incident scarred me for life. =)
I really really love your short thoughtful posts. :)
'wasting my youth thinking about old shit would be doubling the mistake.'
You are so right. You know u can expect to see me quoting you again right? Nyeh!
damn izan, you beat me to the quote! :P
Love love this post~ happiness is definitely a conscious decision. Sometimes it's so easy to get weighed down by the hard times in life and the sadness, but being happy is as easy as a smile :) Hope you have a great weekend!
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