(adapted, of course)

3 cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp baking soda
5 tbsp diced butter
4 oz semisweet chocolate chips
2 eggs
3/4 cup buttermilk
Some milk (who cares how much)


Since these are served with tea in Britain, they're as proper as you can get. And right now, you need something that isn't half as wild as the things you've been getting your ass into.

Preheat oven to 450 deg. Mix the dry ingredients. Hurry now, time is money (although your dudes have quite a lot of it).
Cut the butter into the dry ingredients until your dough is as crumbly as the foundation you've built your relationship on. Stir in the chips.

Mix the eggs eggs with the buttermilk then add them to the mix nicely so that it doesn't slosh over and mess up the kitchen the way you've messed up your love life. Cut the dough into 12 wedges, then brush with milk (coz everything looks better after they've been glazed over, like your so-called 'facts').

Place on a parchment-covered cookie sheet, then bake for 10-15 minutes- just enough time for you to think up a good explanation for the funny marks on your neck; coz I doubt he'll find the truth anywhere near hilarious.