Ever since I got out of secondary school, the number of malay guys I know have dwindled to abysmal levels. I got to know some in junior college but only clicked with a couple. Now in university, I can only say that I've made friends with three. Three measly malay guys. And I wouldn't even have known them had I not attended a certain lameass orientation camp. Outside of school, I also only got to know three, one of which is so not counted since he's the ex of a friend and the cousin of another.

I told the GFF about my sad life and she promised to look out for malay guys who were potentially non-moronic and were not serving their National Service (NS), be it in the army, police force, navy, airforce or civil defence. NS is a drag coz the guys are somehow either perpetually broke or never have enough time. I'm not looking for a relationship, duh. Just someone new to go out with.

A friend of the GFF, Joon Hyuk, introduced me to a malay guy called K recently, who was surprisingly eager to take me out. Weird. I know I'm bored but I didn't expect this unofficial-date thing to come so soon. I was slightly nervous since it's been years since I went out with a Singaporean, born-and-bred. My first-dates usually began with the guy telling me where he was born and why he came here. (So I'm pathetic. Sue me.)

K wasn't at all bad looking, I even liked his eyes, but unfortunately as I found out, he was fresh out of NS. I didn't think it was a problem until I realized he couldn't hold a conversation without relating the topic to some incident that happened during his NS days.

He kept talking about BMT this, field training that. How they had to crawl in mud and dig hide-outs called trenches in the forest and what other manly nonsense that guys serving NS have to do. Honestly. I so do not need to know how to wipe my body with leaves or handle anything that resembles a giant spade. I'll never dig a fucking trench in my life, nor will I think of lying around in trenches (EVER) so STFU before I get somebody to bury you in one.


DUDE. I GET IT. National Service was awesome. But if I wanted an NS-101 lesson, I would have asked my elder brother. And I have no idea what K was fishing for when he said "Don't tell me your previous boyfriend never told you these things!" like twice.

No, dude. My previous boyfriend(s) (+ my current stashed-away secret lovah) never had to do this really-cool NS thing, and even if he did, I swear he wouldn't be blabbering about it at every turn. You served NS. Good for you. Whoopee. Next.