I had an interesting night.

I went to CQ with Tank since he wanted to do some town-wandering and club-hopping before he leaves for the Big Apple. I was actually feeling sick since morning, but I went anyway since I missed CQ a hell lot. I was feeling giddy when we entered The A., and I felt like puking when I tasted the salmon from the fish dish towards the end of the night. I desperately wanted to go to the ladies since I thought I needed a sink (or something). Tank was all "OK, meet you back at the..."

Truth be told, I had no idea where he said he would be, but I said "Yeah okay" and dashed off.
Met a transvestite in the ladies while I was hunched over the sink. (I'll be honest, in-betweenies kinda scare me.)

Anyhoo, she was primping his/her bouffanted hair at the mirror and dabbing on lipstick when I entered. I went to she furthest sink/mirror away from her. After a minute, though, she came over! Oh god. She went "Oh honey, are you alright? Need some Panadol? You must've been drinking too much. It happens to me all the time...blah3x".

She was going on and on (and on), addressing me but talking to the mirror, but I wasn't really listening. I mean, I was weirded out by the fact that he/she was even talking to me and hello? I was an inch away from throwing up/blacking out right there. I just mumbled a weak "I think the salmon got to me."

And I'll never forget what happened next. She grabbed my right shoulder with one strong hand and cupped my chin in the other. Her 1-inch neon green talons poking my cheek, she cried out in that really weird shemale voice-

"Oh HONEY!! Just LOOK at you! YOU'VE BEEN HAVING SEX, HAVEN'T YOU, CUPPYCAKE! Mama thinks you're pregnant! Oh this is SO exciting!!!"


How many, just HOW MANY, ways can you spell EMBARRASSING? A few (real) women in the ladies just kinda stopped in their tracks to look. That did it, really. Faint or not, I wanted to bolt the hell outta there. I made a sound that was meant to be a laugh but didn't quite become one. It came out like a gurgle.

Whatevs. I told the tranny thanks (for what, I have no idea, either) and rushed out, searching for a guy in black Ralph Lauren. Of all days, Tank had to wear black. I was about to give the dude a call when I spotted him over by the exit, standing with his back to me, looking out the glass wall. I went over and touched (/groped?) his back. "I've been looking for you!!" The moment I said it, I knew something was off. It didn't feel right somehow.

And when he turned, I knew why. He wasn't Tank at all. But he was drop. dead. gorgeous.

Two maha embarrassing moments within five minutes? That's a personal best, for sure. My head was screaming "Oh motherfuck!" but nothing came out from my mouth when I realized it. The dude turned around, grinned and said "Yeah, I've been looking for you, too."

BE STILL, MY BEATING HEART.

With all the music, my giddiness and what transpired in the ladies room, I was ready to drop unconscious already. I think I was swooning. I thought I looked pale, but I was probably redder than the red Maria Pinto dress Michelle O wore to the White House. My knees felt uber weak and I blurted out a "Shitohmygod! I'msosorryIthoughtyouweremy.. my.."


MY WHAT???

Mr Gorgeous was just giving me a quizzical look and a half-smile. "Your... boyfriend?"

"Yes? No. I mean, yes; (WTF ARE YOU SAYING, NASHE) I'm really sorry, I mean, you look so similar from the back..." (RELAX, KEEP IT TOGETHER, NASHE.)

"Really? He must be hot!"

"Haha, he's okay..." (OK NASHE YOU NEED TO STOP BLUSHING LIKE, FIVE MINUTES AGO.)

"So what's your name, sweetheart?"

I told him, and he said "That's a really nice name. I like it almost as much as I like your eyes!"

Thank you, sir. I so needed the flattery. Monsieur Handsome had a name. Dustin. He's 25% Filipino, 25% American and 50% charming. I probably could have feigned a fainting spell right there and fall into his arms but Tank called at that moment (damnit), asking me where the heck I was. What timing. I tore my eyes away from Dustin and scanned the place as I answered the call. Damn, I spotted him pretty quickly. Time to say bye-bye.

"Oh, I gotta go. That's him over there, the one in black. Nice meeting you." (AAH THIS SUCKS.)

"You, too. Wait. That's him, huh? He's looking good..."

"Uhh..I guess? Haha. See you around." (GET AWAY. NOW.)

I turned to walk away. (Slowly.) Two steps later, I heard his parting words- "Killer heels, by the way!"



Dustin. That's a pretty nice name, too. I think it's time to reclaim the single life. Don't you?