Being The Bad Guy
I'm not even gonna try blogging about the whirlwind of amazing events that was my stint on Bintan Island. There is just no possible way for me to squeeze 7 weeks of awesome into one or two blog posts and do it justice. Suffice to say that the whole deal seriously blew my mind and there's not a sliver of doubt that it will remain as one of the greatest times of my life.
I miss being able to watch sunsets on the beach, which was a minute's walk from my apartment.
Missing my little island in the sun.`First time living alone.
`First time teaching adults.
`First time riding a motorbike (without a helmet)
`First time riding a motorbike sans helmet through bumpy unlit roads.
`First time getting a foot massage in someone's attap-roof home deep in the 3rd-world villages of Bintan Island.
`First time falling for a married man...
Oh that last one. It would be so much easier if he wasn't half in love with me as well. It would also be easier if his wife doesn't keep contacting me at random hours of the day. I'm guessing she went through his phone and got my number from his inbox or whatever. (No, we were so not sexting.
Living the life of a 3rd person in someone's marriage when I'm not really it.
The wife texts me stuff like "He talks about you a lot..." / "I hope we can be friends."
No. I'm sorry, but we can't be friends. I don't care what your intentions when texting me are. You're still the wife of the man I fancy and that's weird.
But I hope she doesn't feel threatened or anything, honestly. Sure, I'm into her husband (hah!) but unlike scores of his female co-workers, I'm not that into him, y'know.
Loads of other fish in the sea, I don't need/want to take another woman's catch. Still, I never thought I'd be in such a situation. Sigh.
I know the wife probably wants me to stop contacting her Precious altogether but I'm not ready to do that. I'm not gonna cut my ties with the one man who is actually making me feel happy.
Am I crazy? Stupid? Selfish?
I'm not sure, but I think I've just successfully opened myself to heavy criticism and judging here.
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The Nashty
- Nashe^
- Twenty7 and not much hotter. Looking for my happily ever after.
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19 comments:
[Aside] TheMarriedCrush and I mostly exhange only harmless emails ("hey how are you"), but his colleagues are the ones ratting him out to me, telling me how nuts he's been since I left and how he can't seem to stop talking about me. It feels weird putting this out here, trust me.
Oh well. Thoughts?
Siape suro jadik lawa sangat...Kan dah parah. Tapi betul tu. Tk berkat rampas suami org. (suara Rosyam nor) (Chey, maklumlah I'm getting married soon) But at least you're honest with yourself. Nanti kiter bobal lagi k. Interested jugak pakcik.
this may be the 5th time over the past 3 weeks that i've gone 'I told you so'.
and to quote you, "apakan daya..." perhaps you really just gotta wait til this crush runs its course, tante cantik.
talk to you more on P. :}
There's no maybe about her feeling threatened. Wives can tell when their hubbies develop any sort of connection with another woman--even just a deep friendship. I hope you're not mad at her for her reaction. It would be nice if she had faith that this won't lead to pain for her, but she can't be sure. So she's trying to do whatever she can to keep it from happening. If she's bitchy to him about it, she pushes him away. If she does nothing, she frets that with each passing week his emotional attachment to you might be growing stronger. So she's trying to become part of the equation...make herself part of the friendship.
You're an amazing girl Nashe, what woman wouldn't feel threatened??? So please don't be mad at her.
As for whether to keep in touch, you have to decide what you ultimately want to have happen and ask yourself if your actions today are leading you towards that or something else.
Wow, I sure talk a lot for guy whose shoes kept coming untied today! =)
@flash: I cannot stand your suara Rosyam Nor, plz!!! HAHAHA!
@putra: I see what you did there ;)
@Rick: I actually do understand her reaction and I'm not mad at her. But it's just such a drag to have to deal with her. Or maybe that's my guilt speaking.
I see what you mean about you being schizo. Mm.
I knew the man would like you back the moment you said you had a crush on him over Twitter. Ur amazing like that and my sixth sense almost never failz. I beleive you when you say you don't wanna take another woman's catch but you may just be doing that all the same.(unwittingly of course)
PS,
O yeah, seeing that you're not that into him, why not just let go? Good luck, N.
@Ortie: I dunno. I guess I will let go..eventually. Just not now. No estoy preparada.
this is hard.
... on one hand, it seems (well, actually it is) heartless to be the third wheel in this situation.
... on the other, it's not that easy to find that one person who can makes you happy. i know that for definite.
is it selfish to be happy? no. is it selfish to be happy on the expense of others? perhaps.
sigh. i don't know what to say anymore, beb. i just hope you'll make the wisest decision you can ever make, and i'm always behind you on that. ;)
like they say, love is such a fucking funny thing.
@robyn: So why don't we all laugh more??? =)
Awh babe! I think, as long as you're sure (absolutely sure!) that you're not gonna take it any further, you can keep the friendship. After all you're not supposed to be privy to his actions.
:(
@Ejann: Yeah it totally is. Thanks, Robyn. It means a lot to 'hear' you say you got my back. I'm just really conflicted right now, I guess. :(
@Jus: Yeah, I do intend to keep the friendship, but as someone pointed out to me, I can't be sure he'll keep it as it is. There are a lot of fine lines right now.
i would be surprised if you didn't see what i did. ;)
Babe... I trust you on this. I trust you aren't ever gonna be that into TMC. But I think the bigger issue here is pairhaps him being THAT into YOU! Ever thought of that? I know you...you do stuff thinkin all's friendly not knowin that the man is falling head over heels in love with you. lol. You don't wana hurt him in the end, do ya?
I'm gonna pray that someone hot and single sweeps you off yer feet. Stat!
that is definitely a pretty island in the sun. i would sure miss it too if i was you :[
and i 101% agree with rick's advise to you. honestly, as a wife, i wouldn't want someone to get into my relationship with my husband where i have to question his whereabouts. we worked hard to build a wonderful relationship together, and some people think that they can just take it away, and that really isn't fair. her actions are completely understandable. for some reason, i feel bad for her >.< but really, you're a wonderful person. there are many fishes in the sea. this guy isn't one of them ! HAHAHA!
reply: i guess you're right. i mean, when i used to live with my grandparents, people used to say that it smelled like filipino food in there, but i never noticed it. LOL!
-robots in trouble
@izan: I did think of that. :( And no one's wishing for that sweep-me-off-my-feet thing more than I am.
@Abby: You're probably right, and it is immensely selfish of me. But it's just really REALLY hard to let go when something's making you so happy.
hey!
being his friend will nurture you to develop more feelings for him, but you don't want that to happen because he's a married man. there's principles in marriage that no third party can enter. unfortunately, you're the third party. i suggest that you ignore him once and for all before you make matters worse. i'm sorry if i sound so direct but really... my dad cheated on my mom. the fact that he did that hurt my mom so badly. and guess what? she wasn't the only one that was hurt, everyone who loves her got hurt as well. i just don't want any family to go through something like that. i don't want anyone married to go through that >.< forget about the dude!
-abby
i've never rode on a motorcycle before and i've always wanted to! that's going on my to-do-list.
about your issue, i'm sure deep down you know what's right and what you should do, so listen carefully to what your brain tells you and follow it :)
@ Abby: sigh.
@ erisha: Definitely following my brain!
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