You know, I really hate it.
I hate it when we both know we're online but just refuse to acknowledge each other's presence on the w3. I hate the way my heart skips a beat whenever he signs in. Then I'll wonder why I'm still there on his list. I hate it when we both know there are things left to say but we're just not saying it. I don't know about him but I'll just end up staring at his stupid name on the screen. I hate the fact that when I update my phonebook/contacts, I still make sure that his number is there. I hate the fact that he can make me think about him as if he's supposed to still matter a whole lot. Shit, Nash. It was well over a year ago. I hate the fact that we ended with me feeling completely dirty and used. I want to hate him so bad it hurts. But there's very little to hate when you don't think you know the person very well in the first place. It sucks big. It's not something I want to talk about with anyone but this really sucks ass. I wish I knew then what I know now. But of course, I was just too blind to see, wasn't I. There is no period so remote as the recent past; you just don't really know what's happening until it's months down the road.