I'm in the school library...It's only 11 in the morning and hiphop prac doesn't start in 1 and half hours. But I left the house at fricken 7.30 to meet the one who missed me. ;-) nice~ And the one who missed me was/is also the one who made me realise what a blower I've been to a dozen other people.
What happened last year is happening again. And I realise it. But I can't stop it. It's my nature, and unless a natural disaster happens, I can't change. I try my best each time, but I guess sometimes even that ain't enough. And when I try too hard, it turns out fake; and they will just say "yeah yeah you're just saying that" or "i know you ain't sincere,(bitch)". Again. There goes another reason why I don't bother trying sometimes. I read all your bloody scripts and I know what you're gonna say. Prove me wrong, then, why don't you.
Really. You think you're unique. You think you're so weird. You think you're eccentric. Think again.
After all, you ain't the one who has come so close to losing half your good friends 4 times in a period of 2 years, just because they fail to understand you.
Oh, no. I don't blame anyone. But I can't help being born like a total senseless tard either. Blankly expressionless.
I KNOW I am a lil too laid-back, damnit. I won't blink even if you told me your 2nd stepmom screwed a Ferrari. That just means you gotta throw your shit in my face if you wanna be heard sometimes. And if I still seem zonked, chuck it again. Show me one time that I declined to listen to you.
I'm tired of trying to explain to them how my feelings and reactions operate. Really tired. This has worn me out so many times that I just don't wanna try anymore. But where will my place in society be if I don't change, right? Too bad I can't. But I AM gonna try being apparently-normal one last time; and if my script-reading is correct once more, then I'll know it ain't worth it.
Zee, you were right. Thanks.
12 comments:
Nashe,
If you've read my blog lately you know I've been gone for 4 days on a little trip. I see that LOTS has happened while I was gone. (Major understatement here!) I know there's a lot going on in the background that you just touch on here on your blog, but I'm picking up on some of what's going on. I also know I'm not privy to all the private stuff in your life.
But....If you need to talk or just vent, feel free to email me. I'm here if you need me, Nashe. Take care of yourself, my friend.
Diane
hip hop practice... i wannna do tht too!!
wat shappeneing... things dont go right..will fall into place..im not sure wats really happening there but hang on..
@ D: yes, i've been checking in! Hahaha... major understatement, but nah its ok. Thanks, by the way.
Hope the trip was fab. heck, i know it was! Hahahaaa..
@ Neha : Then come down here and join us for practice!! Hehehee.
Thanks for the word. I appreciate it. =) and oui, i will hang on (coz fair Neha told me to!)
nash.... u can call me anytime.
hey. whatever thats happening betw natasha and you now, i want you guys to quit it ok. we dont meet often, but its putting strain on all of us.
Your personality is too complex, nash. I admit i find it HARD to understnd u. many times. u got one of de most unique and all-out WEIRD giler-babi personality. u r so utterly laidback, sometimes adrian and me think ur halfasleep.
most of the time you're ok, but at tymz...i gezz its not.
and we admit u HAVE told us abt ur "syndrome". i guess we forget sometimes. sorrryyy.
Lol. I like how yr friend Dian said you got a giler-babi personality. Sounds like we got a bit of personality match there, babe.
Nashe, your entries seem so feisty lately. You ok ah?
I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON. DAMN proud of myself.
sheesh... i know i know... everyone's such a dick sometimes.. no wait, always..
=) takpe la, dah nak raye..nanti aku dan mereka..mudah-mudahan tergerak hati nak mintak maaf utk ape2x silap dan salah (and hey.. do you whats the difference between 'silap' and 'salah'??)
ok girl. take care of yourself and dun stress stress.. =)people like this (inc of me), exist.. we make your blood boil. we test your patience...
and i am typing this as you are happily munching at some bbq.
and i am starting to realise that you and doraeMON is starting to be like...errm, rapat (and...) tak bertempat. =D
I have no idea what is going on here.
@ Vengey : Yeah. totally. =)
@ ameliene : aah... no comment, really.
@ butchieboy : haha...... u dont have to know! read and let read. =P
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